i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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