She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
