I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
