apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just google imaged poop.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
