There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
