I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
