Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
