By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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