How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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