I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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