i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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