He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
