Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
