Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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