You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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