my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
