Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
