i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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