Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize