I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
