They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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