Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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