Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
