I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Please don't give away my fajitas
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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