so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
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