apparently the secret to your success is patron
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
