you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize