brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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