I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
