I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
