i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
