Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
