"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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