Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
