singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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