do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
