I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
