whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
