Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
