I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
