Your face is a jimmy john
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
