I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
