Farmville is her only friend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
