dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
