Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
