whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
