I got chris browned last night
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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