Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize