I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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