The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize