When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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