Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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