I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
