My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
