i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
