No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
