erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
