new low.... made out with someone while peeing
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
