i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
