dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
