I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
