Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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