she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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