I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
