She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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