***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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