i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize