phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
