The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
