if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
