had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
