I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is the high leading the old right now
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
