We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
