In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
