apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
